At the beginning of your relationship, you may ignore your partner's mistakes and vice versa. Now, in the coming months or years, it is getting harder and harder. Maybe the argument becomes more frequent or more frequent, or as long as there is a conflict, a partner will close. According to Kirk Honda, a Seattle-based podcasting consultant and family therapy professor and psychologist, there are some normalities in any relationship. “The long-term relationship has its ups and downs,” he said. However, if your grades have dropped, then you may want to know if you are preparing to break up. Take a look at the slide below to see if you recognize these signs and find out what you can do to get back on track.
Credit: Adobe Stock / LIVESTRONG.COM1. Chronic criticism
You often criticize your partner for dressing, driving, eating, talking and even breathing Way? This is a strong sign that your relationship is spiraling down. Dr. John Gottman, a marriage and relationship therapist and researcher, called criticism the first of the "four knights" - information that conveys relationships may fail. Gottman explained that criticism is more harmful than just expressing a complaint, because when you criticize your partner, you are attacking his or her role. According to Kirk Honda, Seattle psychology principal, Professor of Counseling and Family Therapy at Antioch University, “The key will not end your relationship once, but if you criticize it over and over again, That is likely to end the relationship. "
Credit: Twenty20 / @ alexandrovphil2. Assume the worst
When your partner is late for home and When you forget to call, do you automatically think she or he doesn't love you? Marriage and family therapist Doreen Meister said that this shows that the relationship has been cut off, which may ultimately mean failure. "The problem is that you don't know the truth; you are explaining the behavior and you will respond unconsciously to this behavior," Mestre said. When your partner arrives home, you are likely to feel cold because you think that person has married you, in fact the truth may beShe o he just got caught in a traffic jam. You know what they think about the hypothesis; in this case, it can do more than just make you look stupid - it can bring disaster to your relationship.
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Credit: Adob e stock3. Discussion usually begins Negative
often make a package statement, such as "I don't like you, you are always late," "This is a positive sign that your relationship already exists. This kind of criticism is a negative method of discussion and will inevitably lead to controversy. "When you start a stressful conversation, if it starts with a negative statement, it will almost always be negative," Kirk said. Honda, Professor of Counseling and Family Therapy at the University of Antioch. Honda explained that in the first 30 seconds of the conversation, the outcome of many conflicting couples can be predicted. The way people begin to talk intensely can also predict the likelihood that their relationship will continue. "If you look at their way of fighting, if they start negative, it means that the relationship will end soon."
Credit: Adob e stock4. Chronic contempt
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Despise is another "marriage" of Dr. John Gottman, a marriage and relationship therapist - which shows that your relationship is badly bad. When the couple despised, they treated them with disrespect, ridiculed them, called them names, and spoke openly during the conflict. If this happens in your relationship, it will be a big danger sign. Kirk Honda, a professor of counseling and family therapy, said that resentment is often the root cause of contempt. This is sometimes because of past injuries, such as infidelity, although it may not have an identifiable cause. “When I work with clients, it’s interesting to see contempt. It’s just anger against another person. This shows that this relationship won’t last long,” Honda said. Credit: Adobe Stock 5. You have stopped doing what you like
In the early days of the relationship, you may have time to jog in the morning, with these People go out together or take you to love Yu on Tuesday night.Gabriel, you want, but recently you have stopped doing these things to avoid complaints or embarrassment from your partner. Marriage and family therapist Doreen Meister said that this happens because of potential power or control issues in the relationship that, if left unchecked, could disrupt the connection between the two. Meister said that in a healthy relationship, two people are engaged in their own lives and prosper together. “If you start to shrink your life, then you will not thrive in the end, and this relationship will not flourish,” Meister said. Credit: Adob e Stock 6. You are always on the defensive
Dr. John Gottman's third of the "four knights" Whether defensive eroding effective communication will eventually lead to the demise of your relationship. If you always feel that you have to defend yourself in a quarrel with your partner, or if your partner is always on the attack, even if you don't criticize, you have to deal with defense. Kirk Honda, a professor of counseling and family therapy, explained the reasons for this behavior. One is the habit: "Some people just habitually take defensive measures, they don't realize they are defending." Another is unable to deal with criticism: "Some people are so sensitive to the nature of rejection in criticism that they are hurt And reacted to anger," Honda said. Either way, defense can cause trouble, or it may be at the end of the road. Credit: Adob e Stock 7. Y Our argument is out of control
Conflicts in any relationship are natural, but when the battle begins quickly When upgrading and getting dirty, including shouting, abusive and blaming, this is a good sign that your relationship is heading towards the finish line. In their book "Breaking for Your Marriage," authors Howard Markman, Scott Stanley, and Susan Bloomberg listed the upgrade as one of four "danger signals" that can predict the end of a relationship. The authors write that couples who live together and may maintain this state are not as easy to upgrade as those in trouble. If a healthy couple does undergo an upgrade, they can quickly control it. If not, the battle will continue to deteriorate until the relationship ends. LetterUse: Adob e Stock 8. You Put Up Walls
Dr. John Gottman's fourth "four knights" (telling your relationship may soon be Rupture, blocking, refers to having one partner exit the interaction, shutting down and shutting down another person. Kirk Honda, a professor of counseling and family therapy, calls it “hostile silence” because it often involves “silent treatment” or passive – actively agreeing to disagree. “When a couple get together and they fight for the first time, they usually don’t stop it immediately,” Honda said. “The stone wall action has been a lot of battles. Then, when you see it happening, it usually shows that the relationship will soon end.” Credit: IuriiSokolov / iStock / Getty Images [ 123] 9. You don't remember why you fell in love
Consulting Professor Kirk Honda said that when one or two partners don't remember why they fell in love for the first time, the relationship fell into serious Dilemma. “This shows that so much negativity has been injected into this relationship, so that it really rewrites the story of their relationship.” Honda also pointed out that healthy couples can easily list the reasons why they fell in love, even It is 30 or 40 years later. But when a relationship is unstable, the reasons - such as "her smile" or "he makes me feel special way" - are so distant memories that they are forgotten. Without this foundation, this relationship is likely to collapse.
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Digital Vision./Digital Vision / Getty Images Are we doomed to fail?If at this point you have realized that there are one or more of these signs in your own relationship, you may feel panic. However, these are not the automatic death penalty for your love life. "All relationships are in conflict," Honda said. The determining factor is how people deal with conflicts and can change. “Things got used to it, we learned how to fight with our parents,” Honda said. "If our fatherIf the mother does not play well, then we will not play well. "But Honda said that if you really want it, you can save your relationship. "It requires will, and it takes a lot of work and a lot of time." "
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PIKSEL / iStock / Get ty picture How to save your relationshipIn order to get your relationship back on track, you and your partner You need to relearn how conflicts occur and stop doing things that are eroding your love. Kirk Honda Consulting and Family Therapy Professor says, each other. This can be as simple as practicing mindfulness - pay attention to when you behave badly or react When stopping behavior, Honda said that publicly using positive statements for communication is another step that couples can take. Even if you have lost love, you can still do the work. "When a couple enters my office and they are there At that time, it does not mean that they have no chance. It only means that they have to reinvest themselves and try to fall in love by seeking love from each other; it can be done absolutely, and it is indeed part of any ongoing relationship. "
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Adob e Stock When to seek helpMany couples may be able to express Honda by studying how to enhance their relationship Complete the necessary work to save the relationship between them. However, sometimes the problem is so deep that couples may need to help solve the problem to save their relationship. This is where skilled marriage and family therapists can come in handy. Honda says he I believe many couples, if they seek treatment as early as possible in a spiral decline, will still be together today. "This is a small price that can pay for a big benefit," Honda said. If cost is a problem, many People apists provide sliding fees.
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4774344sean / iStock / Getty Images What do you think?Are you in a difficult relationship? Do you have Recognize these signs in your relationship? What have you done to avoid breaking up or divorce, or what do you do in the future? Share your thoughts below so that the whole LThe IVESTRONG.COM community can benefit from your experience.
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