Should you go back together? Even the most awkward unions may be tempting if you just want to have a chance to get a crazy love story. But before you get involved - and possibly the drama - ask yourself these key questions before saying "yes" to someone.
Credit: jacoblund / iStock / GettyImages1. Who is who you and what you want?
It is vital that the return to your predecessor will put you on the path to being the person you want and have the life you want. “Connect with your true self, gain insight into who you are and what you are looking for in a very deep way,” said the expert, Anahid Lisa Derbabian, a national counselor and life coach. This important step is not about your predecessor, but about what you really know about what you want in life - and whether he or she fits this.
When you are looking for a soul, really want to assess your ex has the quality of the partner you really want. “Ask yourself: Will living with this predecessor make you feel small or unimportant? Can you achieve this with your person?” said licensed psychotherapist Deborah Duley. "If not, it's time to figure out how to heal those who still miss your predecessor."
Credit: Sjale / iStock / GettyImages2. Both of you recognize you mistake?
"Your predecessor must be willing to speak to you and be responsible for past actions," said relationship coach Cindi Sansone-Braff. "Why good people can't leave bad relationships . "" If your predecessor is not willing to do the necessary treatment work, then even consider not going back or you will soon find yourself returning to the same sinking Titanic. "
More The important thing is that you need to take responsibility for yourself and understand that you are at a loss. "Ask yourself: You have done your inner homework, you really think of you.Have you learned enough from this experience and go back there and try again? "Sansone-Braff suggested.
Listen now: 'Why America's obsession with 'happiness' fully emphasizes us
Credit: KristinaJovanovic / iStock / GettyImages [ 123] 3. Do you fully express your feelings?
Go all out - your fears, anger, lingering problems - returning in a healthy, productive way The only way together. Cognitive scientist Vijay Ram said: "You will know that when emotions, confusion, stress and tension disappear, you have expressed your true feelings. "Either way, once you're 'working hard' and feeling relieved, a lot of information will surface." You will also be in a problem-free area where you can more clearly put this information into perspective and decide what is the best course of action. "Credit: Marjan_Apostolovic / iStock / GettyImages 4. What happened after the breakup?
Maybe you and your former split joined the Peace Corps. Get some of the much-needed life perspectives. Maybe your predecessor got help helping him or her (and your relationship). Checking your time apart - and how you grow and change (or not) - will it be against you There should be some inspiration for something. "Commitment is easy, change is difficult", David Ezell, clinical director of the consulting and health organization Darien Wellness, specializes in male psychology. "You are in a few months Or what is the reason for breaking up in a few years? "Be clear of this, you will know if this relationship is worth pursuing.
Credit: Anchiy / iStock / GettyImages 5. How long have you been separated twice?
[123 ]
The actual time since breaking up is also aImportant aspects to consider. "If the answer to the question is 'not long,' then you have to consider whether the two of you are really broken," said relationship expert April Davis, the owner and founder of luxury dealer service company LUMA. "If you just walk around, then your partner is not a predecessor, but a part of your play."
Davis said that a good rule of thumb is that if the lives of the two of you are separated by more than 10%, then this is enough to consider reuniting.
Source:
KristinaJovanovic / iStock / GettyImages 6. How will you prevent yourself from getting into old habits?If you don't consciously make a different thing for the second time, the reason for your breakup may be bothering you again. Davis said: "If you have a love of rebirth, then both of you should be able to move in a consistent way." But if you let yourself slip or not talk about the changes you want to make, you may suddenly return Allow bad habits to rule your life.
For example, if you tend to hook up in addition to actually talking about your problem (or feeling), you may want to discuss the importance of verbal communication, rather than sorting everything in the bedroom.
Credit:
nensuria / iStock / GettyImages 7. If it involves cheating, will it happen again?"Although we all want to believe that people have the ability to change, but if there is disloyalty in your relationship and you are separated, you must ask yourself: What are you doing to ensure this? Is it no longer a problem?" Davis said. This means that the scammer not only needs to be willing to be transparent about his or her whereabouts, the use of the phone, and other potentially dark areas in his or her life, but the person being deceived needs to know what he will need, or she trusts again.
David Ezer, clinical director of Darien Wellness, warned that if you don't do some digital work, don't let the liar beg him or her back to NG. "If a person has been trying to fight monogamy in the pastI will be very curious, he will be ready after three months," he said. "What happened in more than 90 days suddenly made him think differently about the promise? "
Credit:
Marjan_Apostolovic / iStock / GettyImages 8. What does your intuition mean?Despite a small voice telling you this is a Bad idea, but it's easy to be tempted to go back. Especially if you feel lonely or just don't want to appear again in family activities.
But pay attention to a control coach who tries to convince you to reconnect before, relationship coach Cindi Sansone-Braff said. "Would your predecessor push your guilty button to get you back? Is he or she tells you what happened in the past, do you know that this is not your fault? Did your predecessor give you a lot of mixed information? “She asked.” Some people just master the manipulator. If you know that your predecessor was like this in the past, then your predecessor is likely to do the same in the future. "Follow your intuitive running - don't walk.
Credit:
brickrena / iStock / GettyImages 9. Can you really forgive?Know your past It is one thing to make mistakes in the relationship. It is another thing to realize that your mistake is true. You really blame the past on the past. "If you feel that no matter what he or she does, he cannot forgive the past behavior of this person. "It would never be useful to bring this person back," Sansone-Braff said. "After a while, this person will get tired of bending over to you and will resent you that you can't give up the past and embrace your partner trying to build with you. new life. "She suggests that if you are often a resentment and know that you can't give up your past dissatisfaction, don't even consider coming back with your predecessor.
Credit:
m-gucci / iStock / GettyImages 10. What do you look like when you come back together?Before you take the risk, figure out the state of your relationship and what you expect from it.Take the pace. "Ask each other: If you lived together before, are you back? Are you dating? If you are dating, how often do you plan to see each other?" Proposed permission to Marriage and family therapist Jim Seibold. “The more you understand your expectations, the less frustrated you are about the process.”
In order to solve these logistical problems, he suggested considering the couple who came back together to consult. In this way, there is a fair person who can help you understand the situation and prompt you to think about and discuss potential issues in order to make your new relationship a success.
Credit:
Dangubic / iStock / GettyImages What do you think?Come back with a usually bad idea? Do you need to rekindle your relationship with your predecessor? Can people really change?
Credit:
DragonImages / iStock / G. Getty Images
